Unmasking the Flaws of Alcoholics Anonymous
Do you ever feel like your relationship with alcohol isn’t as simple as normal versus problematic? If you answered yes, you’re not alone. Society has conditioned us to see alcohol in 2 opposing ways, without much of a middle ground. But I’m here to share that the sober curious movement is growing.
An NC Solutions Survey revealed that 34% of Americans are aiming to drink less alcohol in 2023, and 1 in 4 people said it’s not the first time they’ve tried to break up with alcohol. There are various reasons we’re drinking less – from saving money to improving our mental health – but most people would not say it’s because they have a “problem” with alcohol.
Maybe you’ve tried to cut back your drinking in the past and found it harder than you expected. Did you suffer through Dry January with dreams of celebrating February with your beverage of choice? This is a common experience, but not one we talk about. In a recent interview with Jay Shetty, Tom Holland opened up about the difficulties he encountered when he tried a month of sobriety. I want you to know that there are reasons you’ve had challenges – and it’s not your fault. Chances are, you’ve internalized some beliefs about drinking that you may not be aware of – let’s explore this more.
Conditioned Beliefs About Problematic Drinking
You are either a normal drinker or an alcoholic. There is no gray area.
Alcohol is an acceptable coping mechanism in high stress professions like veterinary medicine – and a reward for the good days.
There is only one path to change – the 12 steps, laid out by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) in 1935.
Dave Gray, Liminal Thinking
Growing up, my father's relationship with alcohol left an indelible mark on my perception of drinking. I witnessed his recurring attempts to maintain sobriety with AA, each ultimately met with disappointment. My mother was skeptical of his capacity to change this pattern, often bracing herself (and me) for his potential return to drinking. Her constant scrutiny and probing questions about his whereabouts or the contents of his cup reflected her belief that he would inevitably revert to his old habits. She did not understand why he could not have just one drink like “normal” people.
This atmosphere of doubt and uncertainty cast a shadow over our family and shaped many of my beliefs about alcohol. This was reinforced by pop culture and the portrayal of “drinkers” in books, TV, and movies. It seemed the only solution was to admit you were broken and suffer a lifetime of abstinence and constant vigilance for relapse.
What’s the Harm in AA?
The ideas of Alcoholics Anonymous are nearly indistinguishable from fact in the conversation about drinking, and the following concepts have become nearly unquestionable truths:
You have to hit rock bottom to be desperate enough to change.
You have to adopt the label of “alcoholic."
You have to accept your powerlessness over a disease.
Abstinence is the sole solution.
Relapse means you go back to square one.
Drinking “too much” is a character flaw and moral failing.
A few years ago, I was working 16 hour shifts as an emergency veterinarian and coming home both emotionally and physically exhausted. I was acting like a major jerk to my husband and withdrawing from my friends, increasingly relying on alcohol to try to turn off my churning brain. When I attempted Dry February (because it’s the shortest month!) and barely made it to the end, I began to seriously rethink my relationship with alcohol. In all my searching, it seemed like AA was the only option – but AA’s emphasis on powerlessness and abstinence did not sit well with me. I resisted the idea of defining myself with a singular label, believing that it didn't capture the complexity of my experience. I googled “am I an alcoholic?” and decided the answer was no – nobody wants to say yes to a lifetime of basement meetings with bad coffee!
For those like me who don't resonate with the teachings of AA, a sense of confusion and isolation can creep up. It's natural to feel a sense of hopelessness and shame when you've internalized the belief that excessive drinking is a personal flaw.
As Brené Brown aptly puts it, "Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change."
When the prevailing narrative confirmed my belief that either it “wasn’t a problem” or there was something wrong with me, I retreated even further into hiding. This only served to intensify the isolation and stigma around how much I was drinking. It felt nearly impossible to seek help when shame weighed me down. I was trapped in a pattern I recognized as dangerous, while simultaneously allowing my drinking habits to become increasingly entrenched. I thought I was going to be stuck in this cycle for the rest of my life. This is precisely why the historic and shame-based approach of AA doesn't align with an evolved understanding of habit formation and fails to address the complexities of modern drinking.
When we start to peel back the layers of our conditioning to see alcohol in black and white, the flaws of Alcoholics Anonymous and its one-size-fits-all approach become evident. It's time to break free from these limitations and embrace a more compassionate, nuanced approach to our relationship with alcohol.
Three Steps to Building a Healthier Relationship with Alcohol
Take time to honestly assess your relationship with alcohol. Ask yourself why you drink, when you drink, and how it makes you feel.
Take periodic breaks from drinking and use this time to evaluate how you feel physically and emotionally. When you do drink, pay attention to how alcohol affects your mood and behavior.
Understand that AA isn't the only path. Explore alternative resources and communities that align with your goals and values – remember that sharing your thoughts and feelings can provide valuable insights.
Dr. Caitlin Vaughn has a dream to leave the world of veterinary medicine better than she found it. She wants you to know you’re not alone if you feel trapped in a long cycle of behavior, blame, and shame. With extensive experience as veterinarian and bolstered by certifications in coaching, habit transformation, and compassion fatigue management, she is dedicated to helping you break free from this pattern and embark on a transformative journey towards positive change. You can find her at unlockingvetmed.com or caitlin@unlockingvetmed.com
